The Downside of Building Up Confidence

Teaching kids to carry themselves, not just play the game — and accepting what comes after.

The Promise and the Paradox

Everyone wants confident kids.But when they actually show up with confidence, things change.They used to hang their head after a mistake. Now they’ll smile, nod, and say, “Coach, you’re right — I messed that up.” They bounce back faster because they know the sentence doesn’t end with the mistake — it ends with the next move.That shift — from “I’m broken” to “Okay, what’s next?” — is what you’re after. Because confidence isn’t a badge. It’s permission to act.“The process is fearless, because I don’t want to spend time on the outcome of the game…” In our world with the 806 Drive, we knew the culture we wanted: a team that looks each other in the eye, that says “we see you” when someone messes up, and “we’re with you” when they pick up the pieces. Not just about skills. Not just about wins. About character. And when they start believing in themselves — instead of waiting for us to believe — you see it. Their bat doesn’t drag. They walk with purpose. They talk to adults with clarity. They carry themselves.Then the paradox shows up: the better they feel, the more room there is for push-back, for conflict, for them to test the boundaries. Because in building confidence, you’re building edges. And edges rub.

The Ripple Effect of Confidence

It begins messy. Kids point fingers: “Dude, stop!” “You’re not supposed to do that.”But then you see it evolve. The language changes: “Hey — what are you doing?” becomes “Hey — should you be doing that?” Then: “Coach said we shouldn’t do that. Come on, man — let’s fix it.”They switch from policing each other to partnering with each other. And that’s where things shift on the field. Mistakes become data, not drama. The kid who gave up a home run just shrugged, smiled, and jogged back because he knew: I missed the pitch. Next one matters more.That’s confidence in motion. Because like Maddon says:“Never permit the pressure to exceed the pleasure.” When kids stop arguing balls and strikes — when they stop shaking their head at bad calls — they start to see the game differently. They start to see: What can I control? What’s the next play? They stop living in frustration and start living in action. Yes — there will be times when confidence overshoots into bossiness. The kid who tries to run the show. That’s part of the process. You let them bump into that boundary so they learn the line. Maddon again:“It's all about ‘thought.’ Whatever you think, wherever you think, that's pretty much how you're going to manifest yourself to the rest of the world.” So as coaches we shift. We don’t just direct anymore — we ask. We question. We let them own the answer. Because confidence that’s bought is brittle. Confidence that’s built by choice — that lasts.And the ripple comes home. Parents? They notice different conversations. The kid in the dugout starts asking deeper questions at home. “Mom, I messed up. I’m going to fix it.” They start talking to teachers. They step up in ways you didn’t ask. That’s the real ROI of the culture.And we’ll lose some kids. Some will walk away. Maybe it’s time. Maybe they found something else. But that’s okay. Because what we planted doesn’t end when they leave the field. It moves into life.

The Truth About the Downside

Here’s the part most don’t talk about: we’re going to lose kids. And yes — I’d love to keep them all here, year after year, watching them grow together, building continuity, that cohesion where everyone knows the playbook and each other’s reflexes. But neither life nor baseball works like that. Teams shift. Friends drift. Paths diverge. So we teach them something bigger:

Find your joy. We tell them this: don’t play for the coach. Don’t chase the parent’s approval. You do this because when you do it right, it lights you up. Not just the hit or the win, but the process, the grind, the second-look adjustments, the dugout grin when you bounce back. And I’ll never stop loving watching them succeed. But what I love most? Watching the light come on. Watching the self-aware kid walk to the dugout with pride. Watching one who used to sulk now ask for the next pitch. That’s what confidence is meant to uncover. As Maddon says:“I like courage, I like fearlessness, I like not being afraid of making mistakes.” Because yeah — the downside of building up confidence? It’s messy. It’s loud. It’s testing. But if confidence doesn’t give them the freedom to stumble, to speak up, to lead, then it’s not confidence — it’s complacency. So we’ll keep building it.We’ll keep challenging it. And when they leave the field, maybe they leave the team. But they’ll carry the confidence.That’s not a loss. That’s success.